Short Snarky Captions for Instagram and Funny Snarky Instagram Captions For Girls and Boys (Copy-Paste).
What? I don’t speak idiot!
The smarter you are, the nicer I am.
When I asked God for divine punishment, I met you the next day.
Why am I always late? Because good things always take time.
Why attend someone’s funeral if they aren’t going to attend yours?
Who says I’m crazy? The voices keep reassuring me that I’m perfectly sane.
Will I be awarded bonus points if I act like I’m actually concerned?
Excuse me, I know this is hell, but may I ask which floor?
Silence is golden. But duct tape? Now that’s silver.
Don’t take my insults seriously. I’m just being sarcastic.
Unfortunately, I don’t take orders. I hardly even take suggestions.
Some people are like treasure chests. You just can’t help wanting to bury them in dirt.
Some people really do want you alive, especially those who you took out loans from.
Stalking is such a strong word. Let’s call it social research.
Support bacteria! They’re the only culture some people have.
Tact is for humans who aren’t clever enough to wield the power of sarcasm.
Take a selfie. Fake a life.
Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.
Beating up people is illegal, so yeah, let’s just use sarcasm.
Better grab my dumbrella. It’s raining stupid outside today.
Clapping not because I liked it, but because it’s finally over.
Closed minds should come with closed mouths, right?
Time flies by when you’re insulting people.
Try not to take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow.
The trash will get picked up tomorrow, be ready.
Even the devil stops working just to admire my work.
Every so often, I meet people and feel bad for their pets.
Find your calm before I totally lose mine.
Snarky Captions For Girl
For some reason, you look really when my eyes are closed.
Forgive and forget? I’m neither God nor an amnesiac.
Hush, nobody cares!
Slapping idiots would be animal abuse, so I try to restrain myself.
Sometimes, I question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
Ever wondered why I don’t have a welcome mat at my door? It’s because I’m not a liar.
There’s a fine like between being tanned, and looking like you rolled in barbecue sauce.
This might be the ugliest shirt I have ever seen, yet it is complimenting your face so good.
I lose interest in micro seconds, hurt me once and I don’t want to even see your face.
“An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.”
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
After breakup, let’s just stay friends is equal to never talk again.
You don’t have to say it again, I was choosing to avoid you the first time.
You should get one because life is beautiful.
Can I ignore you some other time? I am kind of busy right now.
The body’s natural response against stupidity is sarcasm.
I am so tired. Do I have to pretend that I like you even today?
“Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”
“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”
“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”
“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”
Sarcasm: curing the world one insult at a time.
Snarky Captions For Boy
Talking to myself. Because who else will?
The garbage collector is coming tomorrow. Ready yourself.
Somewhere in the world, my soulmate is pushing a push door. I just know it!
Sorry if I pissed you off. Rest assured that it will happen again.
They give me questions I don’t know, so I give them answers they don’t know.
This is my cup of care. Oh, would you look at that! It’s empty!
“I had to do it to ‘em.”
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not an avocado.”
“I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.”
I clapped because it was completed rather than because I liked it.
Sharing is caring, you can take all grenades with you and I will take all their pins.
I never usually forget a face, but I’ll gladly make an exception in your scenario.
You still continuing talking despite seeing the look on my face.
I am 99 percent chill, but oh that 1 percent.
“You sir, are the human version of period cramps.”
If stupidity was a profession then you’d be a billionaire.
“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
“Someday I’m going to eye roll myself into another dimension.”
Short Snarky Captions
“I feel like I’m already tired tomorrow.”
“Long story short, it was a bad time.”
“If anything can go wrong, it will.”
“Look at you, you’re in perfect shape.
“Let’s just be who we really are.”
“Isn’t that fantastic?”
“I pinky promise.”
“Unpopular opinion check!”
“Anyways, I’m cute.”
“Sorry, that doesn’t go with my outfit.”
“I don’t have time to hate anyone.”
“Doing my best and forgetting the rest.”
“What a time to be alive.”
“That ain’t it.”
Sometimes it is good for you to break some rules.
Sometimes you got to be both: beauty and the beast.
My mascara is more expensive for me to cry on your words.
I never argue with idiots, they can drag you down to their level.
You hate me it is okay, but do I know you?
“Honesty is my policy.”
“File this under: my thoughts.”
If there’s trouble wherever you go, then guess what?
In many instances, I wish I have enough middle fingers to go around with.
Indeed, sarcasm falls out of my mouth just as stupid falls from other people.
I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.
I really want to be a nice person, but this mouth of mine never cooperates.
If I light you a candle and offer you flowers, will you go away?
Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get to Know Them
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.
“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
Find your patience before I lose mine.
“What more could you ask for?”
“The grass isn’t always greener.”
Too sober for all the sh*t that’s happening today.
“This is a sign. I’m not sure if it’s your sign.”
“I’m always on do not disturb mode.”
“Felt cute, won’t delete later.”
“It’s not hard to be a nice human.”